Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?