Tommy Cooper

Tommy Cooper

Biography

Author Profession: Welsh comic
Born: March 19, 1921
Died: April 15, 1984
Birth Sign: Pisces

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Tommy Cooper quotes

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

You have to enjoy life. Always be surrounded by people that you like, people who have a nice conversation. There are so many positive things to think about. Sophia Loren

The difference between a hero and a coward is one step sideways. Gene Hackman

You can live your life angry, bitter, mad at somebody or even guilty, not letting go of your own mistakes, but you won't receive the good things God has in store. Joel Osteen quotes

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