To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.