Jasper Carrott

Jasper Carrott


Author Profession: British comic
Born: March 14, 1945
Age: 71 years old
Birth Sign: Pisces


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Jasper Carrott quotes

I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being happy is as simple as not being unhappy.

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy.

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jokes, and we broke the mould. Now there are thousands of comedians out there, and I don't think I can be above it all.

I just felt that 'Golden Balls' was the right thing to do. I didn't care if people thought I was a failure.

I should be more vocal about the things I believe are doing us harm, but many years ago in my early twenties, I learned a bit of a lesson. I started to realise at that time the benefits of eating healthy food and drink.

There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson.

I have that working class fear of having nothing. I've always got one eye on what's in the bank.

There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal.

Having signed a few autographs in my time, I always wonder what the heck people do with them.

I have to confess here that I am a useless cook.

I was never the class clown, and I've no idea where the comedy came from.

My driving habits are so ingrained that the driving examiner would fail me in the first mile. That's provided he hadn't died of a heart attack by then.

I want to do things I enjoy, and show business comes fifth or sixth down the line.

I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius.

I've played with some very famous bandits in my time on the celebrity golf circuit.

The impact of T.V. on our lives in general gets most things out of proportion.

The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests.

I have been known to play a few rounds in my time. I'm not obsessive; I don't play in the dark, but even that's not out of the question because Stevie Wonder is also a golfer.

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The only time I can really relax is up a tree or somewhere outside. I love being outside. Tom Felton age

The adrenaline of a live performance is unlike anything in film or theater. I can see why it's so addictive. Gwyneth Paltrow

Let us be the ones who say we do not accept that a child dies every three seconds simply because he does not have the drugs you and I have. Let us be the ones to say we are not satisfied that your place of birth determines your right for life. Let us be outraged, let us be loud, let us be bold. Brad Pitt age

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