Dave Attell

Dave Attell

Biography

Author Profession: US Comedian
Born: January 18, 1965
Age: 51 years old
Birth Sign: Capricorn

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Dave Attell quotes

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.

Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it.

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show.

I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.

My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.

I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

I don't watch reality TV.

I don't watch reality TV. I'm cool.

I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

I never wanted to be famous.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

I'm a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it's what I've been doing and it's what I'm going to keep doing.

If your mind is at work, we're in danger of reproducing another cliche. If we can keep our minds out of it and our thoughts out of it, maybe we'll come up with something original. Peter Falk

I'm bipolar, but I'm not crazy, and I never was. I'm stark raving sane. Emilie Autumn quotes

I grew up loving horses. I was relatively obsessed, starting with my rocking horse at age 2, all the way through my painting and drawing phase. Diane Lane

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