Cristela Alonzo

Cristela Alonzo

Biography

Author Profession: US Comedian
Born: January 06, 1979
Age: 37 years old
Birth Sign: Capricorn

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Cristela Alonzo quotes

Two brothers and a sister, my niece, my nephew... we're a very small group. We're very close, very tight-knit. We spend every holiday weekend together.

Whatever you want to do with your life, you really got to want it. And if you want it, and you work hard, it will happen.

Looking back, I remember my family laughing a lot. We were never the kind of people that dwelled on hard times. My family laughs when things are tough. Growing up like that, I got used to making jokes about things that were difficult. So when I started doing stand-up, that's what I went towards.

My family didn't have money, and I think it made me fearless. I'm willing to try everything and not be afraid because what's the worst that can be happen? It might not work out, but I can't be worse off than when I was a kid.

If I'm laughing, you know I'm either very happy or very sad. I cope with things with jokes.

The first eight years of my life, we lived in an abandoned diner - we were basically squatters.

I always knew, even as a kid, that my mom had a really rough life, and I always wanted to make her feel happy and to make her feel good.

It might sound dramatic and a little grandiose, but as a Latina, I would like to be someone that gives a voice to my culture.

My family doesn't understand trying to chase your dreams because they were all about survival.

My favorite movie is 'Die Hard.' It doesn't have pinatas and mariachis. It's just a good movie.

As a kid, I really wanted to have my own show. But when you grow up in poverty, people tell you nothing is possible. So I kind of gave up on that dream.

My mom ending up passing away, and I got really depressed and didn't have money for therapy, and so I started doing standup to cope with my mom's death.

The Texas thing is such a big deal because whenever I see Texas in a TV show, they always show slow-moving cattle and cowboys with the hats. I wanted to show that Texas isn't a stereotype.

A lot of my material was based on my family.

Because I grew up in McAllen, we would watch Televisa a lot.

I can't tell a story about a working-class family on a premium channel that you have to pay to get.

I couldn't afford therapy, so I just watched 'Frasier.' Season 4 was a breakthrough.

I did the 'Wizard of Oz' in third grade, and I was a witch.

I grew up in a very Catholic household. We were pretty conservative.

My goal has always been to just kind of show how my family, we might be a different culture, but we're completely like everybody else.

Nobody knows what anticipation is anymore. Everything is so immediate. Joan Jett age

When I look around the world, I don't see too many damsels in distress. If they're a damsel in distress, they're manipulating some guy to help them. Sigourney Weaver

Most people have a blank slate and can start from nothing. But for me, I had to break a bad habit that I've been doing all of my life, which is freestyle hip-hop. Roshon Fegan

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