You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.