Note: a list of pictures is also available.
S: So, sometime in the early hours of January 1, 2000, armed with my Grandma Miller's engagement ring, I proposed marriage to Ms. Terrie Schweitzer, with whom I already then had a fairly lengthy happy history. Somewhat to my surprise, she accepted my proposal.
Over the interceding months, we attended several "2K" marriages while we formulated our own plans for the Big Event. We saw people stressing out over little things, spending exorbitant sums, putting their loved ones into situations of less-than-complete comfort. These things pointed us towards something different.
As a child and then a young man growing up, I had always pictured myself in a marriage that would be profoundly different from those I saw in my travels, but beyond this vague idea of difference, I hadn't thought much.
Never deeply religious in the terms of organized religion, but always deeply spiritual in terms of the meanings of the millions of tiny things that happen, I wanted a million of those tiny things to happen at my wedding.
Ultimately, we decided to separate the ceremony from the celebration. The ceremony was ours, and we settled on our favorite place: Death Valley, and those of our favorite people who we knew would and could make the trip. The celebration would involve as many of our other favorite people as we could manage to feed and entertain.
To perform the ceremony, we would deputize a friend of mine of almost thirty years, Mr. Paul D. Terrell III, a person for whom we both have tremendous admiration as one who has walked many of our trails, a person who we're glad to have among us, and who is perhaps only here through the good graces of the Higher Power he finds inside. As such, perhaps, he stands in for our higher powers.
My best man cannot be described in a mere paragraph. John has been in my life for almost 25 years, and has been a rock through those years - a man to whom I've crawled crying, and from whom I've walked laughing.
My Mom has been so amazing throughout my life. My friends have always been impressed by how "cool" she is, but it's more than that. She has known me longer than anyone, and has never failed to understand me. The last time we were in the desert, too, I couldn't stop thinking of her, and I was determined to get her there for this. Terrie may describe "her people" here, but as Terrie loves John and and my Mom and Paul, so I love those people.
As the time approached, we discussed the details. Paul had written a very nice piece for the core of the ceremony, and to that we added vows, cobbled together from one of our shared joys, quotations from wise people in history. We were pretty sure we had a cogent and meaningful ceremony, and we had our people lined up to witness it.
So it begins...
T: If you look at the night sky long enough, you'll find that there's a problem in looking at one beautiful star. The more directly you focus your gaze on it, the more it slips away and becomes invisible. If you look slightly away, however, it flares in your peripheral vision.
Scientifically, this is because the central portion of your retina is burned out, overused, and insensitive.
Unscientifically, I sometimes approach the best parts of the world around me with that peripheral vision, fearing that I'll lose something precious by looking at it too hard, or appearing to care too much. Happily, I've been able to overcome that fear and look directly at life with Steve, and find light, magic and joy.
Steve has mentioned the other people in our wedding party. I have two people to stand up for me...my brother, Tony, and his wife, Sheila. Tony is my youngest brother and one of my very best friends...somewhere along the way he transformed from being the baby of the family to being someone I look up to very much. Sheila has become a dear friend, and I often call her my sister, rather than sister-in-law, because in spirit she is. I love to see the two of them together...when I see how they interact as a couple, there is nothing more I can hope for us.
There may be people who were disappointed that we did not plan our wedding day in a way that included them directly, but they were with us in our hearts. Big weddings aren't bad, they're just not for everyone and not for me. I was the most adamant about keeping this very small; I couldn't cope with the pressure of this becoming a performance that had to be scripted and rehearsed in great detail.
