"They’ve come to see me bat, not you umpire. Play on!" Dr. William Gilbert Grace
"I can't see what Jack Warner can do with an Oscar—it can't say yes." Al Jolson
"I was in Dallas with my backup band and a beautician, and a white woman done fainted! She looked at me and said 'Lawdy', and down she went. I asked 'How come she fainted? I don't look that bad, do I?' and they said 'Esquirita, it's the first time they've seen anything like you.'" Esquirita
"I wanted to be that cranky old guy that stands on his porch and yells at the neighborhood kids." Robert Howell Brown