"How these curiosities would be quite forgot, did not such idle fellows as I am put them down."
"The press is a mill that grinds all that is put into its hopper. Fill the hopper with poisoned grain and it will grind it to meal, but there is death in the bread."
"The philosophers of the Middle Ages demonstrated both that the Earth did not exist and also that it was flat. Today they are still arguing about whether the world exists, but they no longer dispute about whether it is flat."
"Be careful—with quotations you can damn anything."
"A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top." James Reston
"You won't find a single four-letter word in there. I don't go for that bullsh*t."
"Maybe I'm too masculine. Casting directors cast in their own, or an idealized image. Maybe I don't look like anybody's ideal." Charles Buchinsky
"What do you do if you're in a room with Muammar Qaddafi, Saddam Hussein, and John Sununu, and you have a gun with only two bullets? Shoot Sununu twice." Michael Dukakis
"Maggie Smith used to have excellent skin. Have you seen her face lately? In a few more years, they'll have to unfold it to find out who she used to be." Peter Jeremy William Huggins
"Maybe it's the hair. Maybe it's the teeth. Maybe it's the intellect. No, it's the hair."
"It's hard being black. You ever been black? I was black once—when I was poor."
"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on."
"Dan Quayle deserves to be Vice President like Elvis deserved his black belt in karate." Dennis Miller
"I haven't thought about it. I'm not capable of deep thinking."