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"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
"Drink to-day, and drown all sorrow;
You shall perhaps not do 't to-morrow."
"Our incomes are like our shoes; if too small, they gall and pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and to trip."
"We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us."
"My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there."
Charles F. Kettering
"If I had the choice of educating a boy or a girl, I would educate the girl. If you educate a boy, you educate one, but if you educate a girl, you educate a generation."
US religious leader
"A pretty girl is better than a plain one
A leg is better than an arm
A bedroom is better than a living room
An arrival is better that a departure
A birth is better than a death
A chase is better than a chat
A dog is better than a landscape
A kitten is better than a dog
A baby is better than a kitten
A kiss is better than a baby
A pratfall is better than anything."
, golden rules for successful comedy
"Perfectionists are their own devils."
"Don't play the saxophone. Let it play you."
US jazz great
"The National Museum of Photography, Film and Television is tremendously important, both in photography, television, and film."
Sir Richard Attenborough
"By the time a film of mine makes it into the theatres, I have a love-hate relationship with it. There is always something I could have done to make it better."
US film director
(married to Sherry Lansing)
"Why am I running for president? Well, my wife, Cindy, says it is because I sustained several severe blows to the head in prison camp."
US Senator (AZ), 2000 presidential candidate, flip-flopper, and corporate toady
"I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and changed the bulb. When I got off the bed he said: 'That's the best acting you've ever done.'"
(was married to Barbra Streisand)
"I don't know if prison is good for everybody, but it did me a lot of good."
English guitarist (Stranglers)
"If I wasn't a musician, I would be a serial killer."
"I was a veteran before I was a teenager."
US singer, dancer, songwriter, baby-dangler...
"You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get them from what's eating you."
"There was a professor named Sprie
Who lectured each Tuesday at three
If nobody came
He talked just the same
And observed his own feedback with glee"
US speech therapist
"The roads of life are strewn with the wreckage of run-down and half-finished loves."
Ralph W. Sockman
US religious person
"I think half of this belongs to a horse somewhere out in the valley."
, on his Oscar for "Cat Ballou"
"Words are potent weapons for all causes, good or bad."