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"Sir, you have tasted two whole worms; you have hissed all my mystery lectures and been caught fighting a liar in the quad, you will leave Oxford by the next town drain."
Rev. William A. Spooner
English religious lesdyxic
"If you could say it in words there would be no reason to paint."
"Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the 1000 small uncaring ways."
Stephen Vincent Benet
"Man hoards himself when he has nothing to give away."
"Everyone knows that a man can always marry even if he reaches 102, is penniless, and has all his faculties gone. There is always some woman willing to take a chance on him."
US etiquette maven
"The wind doesn't bother me. I'm in the U. S. Senate."
US senator (KS), presidential candidate
Illustration by Zach Trenholm
"I train religiously."
Sister Madonna Buder
US nun and triathlete
, on how she manages to stay fit at 70
"If little else, the brain is an educational toy."
Photo courtesy Carl Studna
"The singer gets the pussy."
US Singer, funk legend
"I've led a pretty clean life so I've aged pretty well."
US singer, actor, policeman
"Being a screenwriter in Hollywood is like being a eunuch at an orgy. Worse, actually, at least the eunuch is allowed to watch."
US actor, writer
"Weirdness is not my game. I'm just a square boy from Wisconsin."
(Portrait by Taru Sterling)
"Latins for Republicans. It's like roaches for Raid."
Colombian comic, actor
"I just couldn't have gone into a room where Chris was in a box."
US comic actor
, on missing Chris Farley's funeral
"I never made a mistake in grammar but one in my life and as soon as I done it I seen it."