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"Men will wrangle for religion, write for it, fight for it, die for it, anything but live for it."
Charles Caleb Cotton
(there is a Charles Caleb Colton from the 18th century, who I may be mis-citing here, but I don't find specific dates, so will leave this one here for now -s)
"Private patients, if they do not like me, can go elsewhere; but the poor devils in the hospital I am bound to take care of."
"The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people worse than they are."
"Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing."
"He's the only man I know who could look at the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated and complain because the bathing suits weren't flame retardant."
, on Michael Dukakis
"Men are generally more law-abiding than women. Women have the feeling that since they didn't make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them."
"You Americans, you treat the Third World the way an Iraqi peasant treats his new bride. Three days of honeymoon, and then it's off to the fields."
"My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it."
John G. Pollard
US Governor (VA)
"The history of saints is mainly the history of insane people."
"A key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is 'Snakes and Ladders' with greased rungs."
"Say what you will, when Dan Quayle was in the National Guard, not one Viet Cong got past Muncie, Indiana."
US comic, TV host, Tonight Show
(also see Allen, Paar, and Carson)
"My ambition is to be happy."
"Nature is as wasteful of promising young men as she is of fish spawn."
"Thank you to the fans. I do movies for you. Practice safe sex and drive hybrids if you can."
"Be a dreamer. If you don't know how to dream, you're dead."
US basketball coach