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"When I step into this library, I cannot understand why I ever step out of it."
Marie de Sevigne
"If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it. "
"I suppose flattery hurts no one, that is, if he doesn't inhale."
US Vice President (23)
; see all US VPs
"Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."
US composer, comic, actor, author
"It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
US baseball player
"The shortest recorded period of time lies between the minute you put some money away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival of rain."
Jane Bryant Quinn
(mother of Martha Quinn)
"Difficult acting with a chimp? No, no. The emotions were the same. In a way it was like playing opposite Paul Newman. The chimpanzee reacted differently, that's all."
"I am afraid of being lazy and complacent. I am afraid of taking myself too seriously."
"Comedy is like music. You have to know the key and you have to find players with good chops."
US writer, actor, musician
(married to Jamie Lee Curtis; "Nigel Tufnel" in Spinal Tap)
"People can't really place me. They're not really sure who I am. Sometimes they think I'm Helen Hunt. Sometimes they think I'm Laura Dern."
"I see no reason for calling my work poetry except that there is no other category in which to put it."
"I keep my campaign promises, but I never promised to wear stockings."
Ella T. Grasso
first elected female US Governor (CT)