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"Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it, and that a very severe one."
"The truffle is not exactly an aphrodisiac, but it tends to make women more tender and men more likeable."
"The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum."
Fritz Kreisler: "My fee is eighteen thousand dollars."
Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt: "That's agreeable, but I hope you understand that you should not mingle with my guests."
Kreisler: "Oh! Well, in that case, my fee is only five hundred dollars."
"Shaw's works make me admire the magnificent tolerance and broadmindedness of the English."
"Write on my gravestone: 'Infidel, Traitor'; infidel to every church that compromises with wrong; traitor to every government that oppresses the people."
"Find out what the other team wants to do. Then take it away from them."
US football coach
"No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other."
Russia-born US violinist
"The upper classes are merely a nation's past; the middle class is its future."
Russia-born US writer
"No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating."
"History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives."
S. Africa-born Israeli diplomat
"Do not join encounter groups. If you enjoy being made to feel inadequate, call your mother."
"A poet is someone who stands outside in the rain hoping to be struck by lightning."
"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia."
"I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps."
"We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his hands for masturbation."
(Lily Tomlin's partner)
"We were foolish and young and out of our minds. That's one of the things that is different nowwe are older and out of our minds."
, on CSNY reuniting
"The American public tunes in every night hoping to see two people screwing. Obviously, we can't give them that but let's always keep it in mind."
US television executive
"The reason that the all-American boy prefers beauty to brains is that he can see better than he can think."
"I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that."
(was married to Billy Joel)
"I really like to create the sound of a choir the most. If you could see what the sound of it looks like when I shut my eyes and listen, you'd see the sound as angels spanning across the universe."
"My wife has good taste. She has seen very few of my movies."
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
Lord Bertrand Russell
"When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids; when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze."
Natalie Clifford Barney
"I got this feeling I'm gonna die before I get old. I don't know why. I just have this feeling."
English punk (Sex Pistols)
"There was no model for what I tried to do with dance... And the thing Fred (Astaire) and I used to bitch about was that critics didn't know how to categorize us. They called us tap dancers because that was considered the American style. But neither of us were basically tap dancers."
US dancer, actor, director, singer...
"Sometimes my quotes may be too colorful."
US secretary of agriculture